I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
