Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
