He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
