i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
