the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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