I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
