My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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