Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
