he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize