omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We named our party play list daddy issues
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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