so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize