doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
