you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
