I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let's get the cat blown out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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