no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
