We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
