Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
