it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
