You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
