genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
