David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize