$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
