look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
