Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
