it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
