Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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