remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can Purell be used as lube?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
