And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
