She is in my trunk
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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