i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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