i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
