so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
