I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
