I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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