have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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