Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
