i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
