help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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