I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
