If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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