Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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