I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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