Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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