Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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