Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
