I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
