the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
