This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
