So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize