I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
