hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm jealous of your bromance
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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