no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
