After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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