so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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