Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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