I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
