remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
