she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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