Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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