Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
