he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
