I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
