She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
