ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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