It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
