First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
