matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
