he puts the penis in happiness.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
