i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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