four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
