drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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