i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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