please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
