Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
