whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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