i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
