the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
