batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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