Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
