My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
