Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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