Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
