You can't motorboat a personality
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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