I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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