I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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