There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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