After last night, I could never be a politician.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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