I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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