i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
