dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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