I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
