What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
